Trying to get better

X-mas went on the way it started.
We visited my parents, had lunch with them, and I did not really eat much. Maybe there was too much tension around, I don´t know. And I did not like the cake my mom made, so no bad cals there. But when we returned home I had pizza...

?!?

I don´t even know why, I could have chosen a salad or something like that, but I just could not hold myself back. So pizza it was...

The next day, the BF-family returned to our house and had coffee here.... So many people, so little time to sit down, relax, shut the fuck up and think about stuff. So many dishes to clean, cake to cut, coffee to make...At least I did not have time to eat. They disappeared late in the evening, and I could skip dinner. I tried not to get depressed about not having a nice hour or two with the BF alone, just relaxing and having x-massy thoughts. Whatever.

Yesterday another 24 h shift. It was OK, though; I had time to read and to sit down, but had to stay up till 2 am..... There was no way I could stay up today, I had to sleep for 2 hours, and now my blood pressure is down, my head spins and my stomach hurts. But that´s normal for me after these long working hours. It´s far more strenious than I want to believe... additionally, there is this migraine thing still buzzing around in my head, slowly but steadily going away...

So here I am, I have gained about 4 pounds during the holidays, and I am feeling like a whale. Today there was no food until dinner, and I had some fish with some sauce (unfortunately) and some cauliflower, I think there are about 400 cals involved today. And I just decided to carry on like this. I have to get back. No way out. The time to eat cakes and cookies and dinners with the family are over now. Right now, my belly is revolting against the cauliflower, but I kinda like that. I am thinking: Well, belly, here we go: No more filling up, no more pain in the morning, no more bloating. Vegetables you get, and nothing more.

Tomorrow I will step on THE SCALE again, have not been there today, I never weigh after the 24h shifts. And there will be a relocation I have to help with, meaning carrying around furniture and dishes and whatever and no time to eat at all. Perfect. Afterwards, I will have to visit friends of the BF meaning dinners and parties for new years eve and so on, but I will try to restrict as much as I can and maybe try a little ABC-related programm in 2010. Due to the many social things I have to attend there will never be the possibility to stick to ABC completely, but I will try to make a plan for myself that is reasonable and not frustrating me the second I realize I have to do something other than the plan tells me to.

Guess what, the BF got me a Wii for X-mas, with the balance board and the Wii Fit Plus. That is so great!!! And it is really fun, the balance games and the boxing and so on, it is actually fun to burn lots of calories. I really like it, but the worst part was setting it up for me, the BF was sitting next to me and when the thing showed my BMI on the screen, my BF said (strange voice): Well, obviously you got a healthy BMI, I bet you would wish for it to show underweight.
Yeah, thank you, my love, that was exactly what I would wish for, but this will not happen as long as your family continues to feed me...

Well, sounds as if I would not like him very much right now, but that´s not true. After the whole family and x-mas thing was over he held me tight at night and said: Thank you for all the help and support during the family meetings.
Maybe I am a really pathetic person, but this made up for all the stress and trumpet music with me having a migraine. It really did. And next summer, the Wii will show an underweight BMI. Period.