Reality

Last night when I went ot bed I suddenly thought:

You have to face reality!

Realty is:
- I never got under the 122 in my life, exept the one time I was growing up. Why do I now think that it would be easy? Why do I think I will going on losing like a few months ago?
- If I should ever lose this huge amount of fat, there will never be "normal" dinners and parties and hollidays. I Know how to lose in theory, and sometimes it works, but I don´t know how to maintain. Theroretically, yes, but I never tried. Maybe I should try to maintain now, and if it does not work the loss is not heart-breaking...and as soon as I can I can carry on losing?
- I am not a kid anymore. I am responsible for my actions, for my life, and for the relationship I got right now. I cannot just hide in my room, never come out, crying all day long and refusing to eat a singel bite. This time is over. There are dinner parties to attend and familiy meetings and hollidays and preparations. In former times, I just refused to eat. Now i will have to train myself to say no. There will always be food on front of me. If have to say no. I have to say: Yes, I had enought, I don´t want a second helping. I never did that, I just ran away from food.
- Since there will always be food I will have to raise my metablism. Meaning: I have to do more sports. My schedule is already very full and most nights I fall into bed totally exhausted and weak. But no matter what, I will have to find the time and the strenght to run. I had some periods in my life in which i did Sports every day, and after some time they made me stronger, not weaker, but it takes some time. I have to get through this.

THE SCLAE said 123,2. Not that bad, but not good.
Today will be x-mas market.
I absolutely have to get chestnuts, I love them, and my calculation program sais they have 140 cals per 100g. So I will have 100, maybe 200; and some mulled wine, about 110 cals per 100 ml.
More chestnuts=less wine and the other way around....
Light dinner with the BF.
And it´s freezing outside, being cold burns extra cals.
We will see....