Finish

My exam will be tomorrow.

THE SCALE showed me a 122 this morning. I am so hungry right now, coffee makes me sick already, but I really want to see a 121.x tomorrow morning.

I had no food today, right now I went home from work early to read and learn and try to calm down, and I avoid the fridge like a visit to the dentist.
Until now, the calculation should be as follows:
Morning latte 100
Two cups of coffee during work 30
A cup ob broth 4
Lots of water 0

The BF will have dinner elsewhere, so I am planning on kohlrabi and red pepper, maybe some corn, no fish or soya thingies. I am freezing, maybe I will heat this up with some salt and pepper, not more. And I know: There´s nothing more I can do. This will bring me to the 121.x or not.

I am thinking much about the exam, though. I wonder if I will sabotage myself like so many times before. Most of the times, I just think that I am not worth having success. Will this happen to me again? Will I make myself fail? Or will I just accept that I have reached my professional goal once and for all? That I came to a place I never dreamed of to reach? That I actually made what I was working for for so many years? That I am not stupid or lazy or just insufficient?

I am scared, in both ways: If I fail, well, that´s obvious, but if I don´t fail, what will happen next? Will I be happy? Or will I just find another hole in my life that has to be filled by any means?
I once saw a huge falling star, it was in the sky for several seconds, and I decided that I will keep the wish it granted for a time I badly need it. I thought about using it now, but I decided against it. I don´t need a wish badly right now. I just need to succeed.

Please, let me succeed....

Note:
Maybe this falling star I saw was a part of highly expensive technical equipment surrounding earth, and millions were lost in the blink of an eye, but this would fit into my life perfectly...
:-)