I watched this documentary (kind of) yesterday from a british journalist who tried to reach size zero in about 2 or 3 months by severe restraining and fitness coaches.
In general, I am not really a fan of experiments like that, I think it can give people the wrong impression about food intake, diets, being thin and everything that is linked to it. And I like the idea of showing the world that having an BMI under 18 might not be healthy and that fashion show models are really no role models for the common girl or woman. But nevertheless we are already spoiled and get sick by the idea that a really fat lady could be a beauty queen.
Anyway, one thing really got to me:
At the end of her experiment, she got really depressed, her social life desintegrated, she punished herfelf for one day of not following the plan, and at the end she really felt bad about herself. At the beginning, she kinda liked her figure, and she only wanted to make a point to the world, not to herself.
And I was wondering:
These feelings of depression, of loneliness, of self hatred and last but not least having a fat ungly and disgusting body, does this really belong to the ED or does it just come with the restricion? Was it first or did it follow?
Everytime we read or see the story of an ED person, she is always depressed, lonely, hates herself, but we never know how she felt at the beginning. If you are not labeled "sick" in any way, noone cares about your feelings, noone askes you how you actually are. The minute you fail to function in society, that´s when people start to ask.
We seek control in our lifes, but are we miserable from the beginning?
Sorry, I am rambling, but I am just wondering...
Food-wise, I had a great saturday. I stayed under 400 cals and had no beer or anything to spoil this. Today, I am still on coffee and no food, but I think I will have dinner.
THE SCALE showed me a nice 123,6 as I reached before the re-feeding last week. Maybe I can stick to this?
There will be my exam in the second week of december, I really want to be under my first goal weight then, I am hoping for this to give me some additional security.... Whatever...
In the pre-x-mas-period, people tend to get depressed and feel empty or something, I hope you all don´t feel this way, and if you do, just contact me, if I can be of any service....
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What came first the chicken or the egg? It's true ED's seem to come along with depression. In my case I think I had depression which opened the door to ED behavior, then the ED behaviors and thoughts only make it worse until you don't know caused what anymore. Glad you are feeling comfy with your weight again.
AntwortenLöschenSometimes I wonder the same thing - which came first, the self loathing or the desire to be thin? I think maybe they were always there together and they intensify.. I think I just lost what I wanted to say.
AntwortenLöschenI feel like I am going crazy. Maybe I have more time on my hands since I restrict so much... maybe the time I use to use eating I now use for inner reflection. Maybe I should not have spent all weekend watching horror flicks. But hey, with free movie channels, what do you expect me to do?!
I don't really get sad around the holidays. It's always summer for me. Weird for a hippie kid, I know.
I was hoping to write something a little more thought provoking. Sorry.
Ahhh I know all about this stuff :)
AntwortenLöschenStarvation causes depression. It is well documented. Anyone who will willingly commit to self-starvation is most likely depressed in the first place but WILL be more depressed afterward.
Even people are mentally healthy and normal BECOME depressed if they are starved. A very well known experiment in the 1950s took a bunch of fit young men who were conscientious war objectors and set them on a starvation diet. The psychological changes that followed closely resembled those of anorexic girls. Things like obsessiveness, anxiety, depression, withdrawal. When they were refed they went effectively back to normal.
So yeah, we are pretty much doing this to ourselves. Pretty damn stupid, right? If only we could stop!
Congrats on your scale # girly :))) I think you can totally make your goal weight !!
AntwortenLöschenHm.. You pose a really good question.
As for me, I've always felt rather miserable, awkward and odd. I've never felt a connection to my body (and still don't).
I've always felt rather detached and always hated myself.
Starving was the only thing that helped me establish my exisitence. I've never really been able to 'feel' anything and to know that I was hungry, that helped confirm that I was 'real' I've never been able to recognize myself either-- so when I'm able to touch bones, or see things like that it's somewhat of a high; I really can't explain it.
To be honest, I've only really know misery. It was only until I had medications to help with my bi-polar that I ever felt really 'normal' or happy.
Now I'm rambling... lol.
Anyway, I like your post :) it's very thought provoking!
And Good luck with your events/exams!