There are many things changing inside me right now and I don´t know how to describe them. There is a new feeling emerging from the depths of my soul. I already know it, but I don´t know what it means. I am beginning to realize what I am doing right now. There is this mighty feeling of hunger all day long, which means nothing to me. I ignore it. There is physical weariness, especially when no one is talking to me. Tonight before dinner I almost collapsed, nausea was washing over me, and I liked it. I remember it from long ago. The waistband of my trousers at work is still loose, I can feel the fabric moving along my thighs while I am walking... I am determined... I am focused...and I am irritable, I have to hold my tongue...
Am I making it? Am I reaching my goals? Could it be possible for me to become more than I am right now? Or less?
THE SCALE was nice to me, 125. But it´s not enought. It´s not as low as I can go. I know it, I can feel it...
My calorie intake today was exactly the same as yesterday, maybe less, because of the nausea before and during dinner, I left most of the vegetables on the plate, just ate the fish to get some proteins.
And there is fear. Fear of THE SCALE. I absolutely have to step on it every morning, I feel insecure if I am not weighing myself, I feel as if I do not know what´s going on. If it should go down any further (my usual pattern would make it go up tomorrow morning) it would be perfect, powerful and fabulous. But how can I cope with a higher number, although I already know it will be there? Maybe I can force it to stay on 125? Can willpower lower a number?
Here´s the plan for tomorrow, for better or worse:
No food during the day
Tea, tea, tea
Some coffee (due to me being so tired all day long I need lots of it)
Finishing all my work (there will be some overtime)
My beloved broth (one cup, not more)
Dinner with the BF, demand low-cal and low-carb, leaving some on the plate, I obviously can get away with that)
No alcohol in the evening
No treats
That should do it.
Wish me luck.
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best of luck for tomorrow - you are doing incredibly well I'm in awe of you! Thanks for all your supportive comments they mean the world to me. I absolutely cannot wait until I can be your weight! Just need to get through the 130's but with your support I know I can do it!
AntwortenLöschenIt's such a great feeling when your trousers feel loose - that's fantastic :)
I hate the scale too - I always torture myself by weighing twice a day. I literally cannot cope when it goes higher! I'm actually considering not even weighing tomorrow as I'm terrified of the number going up! You're doing so great though - keep it up!
xxxxxxxxx
Yeah, the scale sucks but it seems to be a necessary evil. I feel like I don't know what's going on either if I don't know what that number is.
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