Bad day. Very bad day.
Yesterday I had to attend the first formal dinner this weekend. I didn´t eat the whole day to make room for buffet and the mandatory wine and sparkling wine. When I arrived there I felt all clean and empty. The formal clothes I am wearing at this kind of occasions seemed to be a little too big...
At first I got a hold of a bottle of water, and I tried to fill myself up, but after an hour of waiting and listening to speeches all of it had left my stomach leaving it moaning and sore. There were potatoes.... I wish they would disappear from the face of the earth. I got a tiny portion, after the first row of guests they were gone and I was really relieved but then...
...then came the cheese...
Well, the skale showed me the result this morning: 127.2.
Well done, baby....
And it keeps switching between numbers, it makes me mad, everytime I step on it there´s a different result, well, I got a new one an hour ago.
But tonight I have to go again. Dinner. Normal dinner. Watching eyes. Maybe no water but wine. (That´s one thing really annoying about getting older: You are supposed to drink alcohol. If you don´t there are just 3 possible explanations: You are pregnant, you are the driver or you are a recovering alcoholic....) And I don´t know what they will offer. And my boyfriend is making scones right now, and he makes an additional portion just for me.... No way not to eat them....
We got a fight today, not a huge one, but one that reminded me that he thinks two things of me:
complicated and weird.
He told me that quite some time ago, and it still hurst. Maybe I am, I don´t know. I feel like I always felt, but now it doesn´t seem to be OK.
I need to get over with this weekend. During the week, I am in control, I can decide whether to eat or not, which things to eat. Yesterday and today I am forced to pretend to be a "normal" person with a "normal" appetite for fatty, carb-filled meals and alcohol. And due to the freakin´ flu shot I am still not able to go to the gym or on the treadmill. It gave me shiverings and fever and headaches but I gained a pound no matter what.
Please let this weekend pass.
I am sorry, I am way too weak right now.
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Aww hun :((
AntwortenLöschenDon't feel too bad about the slight gain (easier said than done, I know), but remember, alcohol makes you retain water so it could always be water weight..
I understand how you feel on 'being older means you have to drink' -- My friends pressure this to me all the time, and I suppose that is why I'm not a hermit and refuse to socialize with anyone (ha!)..
I hope you feel better today and I really hope you recover from your swine flu shot..
No one, even significant others, will really understand 'us'-- but know that this is just a little bump in the road :) He just cares about you and when people get upset they say things they don't mean.. I know it still hurts, but just know he does care about you :)
And when it comes down to it, we are all weird, complicated, and peculiar <3
Anyway.. I'm rambling, hehe..
Good luck tonight-- and if people are pressuring you to eat/drink just say you aren't feeling well from your shot! :)
Take care hun <33
Stay strong, and get better! :(
qp~
Thank you so much, qp!!!
AntwortenLöschenI just read you post about the smell of things...don´t feel weird. During work, I go to the cafeteria almost every day to smell the food. But I never got any money with me, if I had I would buy and eat it... And I saw other women do the same. You know what? They all do it....
:-)
Take good care!!!