I had a very bad 24h shift. I was running and stressing till 2 am, could get 3.5h of sleep and had to get up again. I did qute well until 10pm, but when I realized that there will be little to no sleep, I just lost it.
I had bread, pizza, french fries.... According to my calorie calculation programm, there were 900 calories I stuffed into my face yesterday....
Damn it...
I am paying the price today: My belly is aching, it sticks out as being 5 months pregnant, and I am not even daring to step near THE SCALE. Due to the hard day I had on monday (the L-effect) I had no BM the rest of the week, and now I am suffering big time. But I will live throught it: If I can eat like a pig, I have to suffer. Period.
What is going on with me? Every week, I know that the scale will climb up until dropping after a few days, I know it, but I get depressed and de-motivated every time. This week, I could stick to if for 3 days until it got me down, I guess I am getting stronger, but it´s just so hard to stick to everything.
Last night, one of my collegues gave me some fish and a piece of bread. His wife is making these breads with special toppings every day, and they are just perfect. After he offered it to me, I sat there, staring at the bread, and suddenly my head just stopped existing and I sad yes.... Another collegue of me entered the room, he looked at me and asked the other one: Hey, how did you do that? I never got her to eat....congratulations, you have to tell me how you did that....
?!?
WTF...
I am just weak, a pig, a slob...
After the bread my head just said good night, went for a sleep, I had to carry on running around and to carry on eating....
Well, I deserve no better.
I thought about my goals the other day, I thought I would get near them...Ha, baby, well done ruining it all.
What good is it that there´s no dinner invitation today? At least I would have some fun.
To sum it up, I am weak, tired and my belly aches. I did not step on THE SCALE and I have no idea how to carry on. I have to learn for my exam, but I am too tired. The only hope I got right now is that I can return to the gym at the weekend, if I get up early enough to finish learning early enough (I have to drive half an hour to get to the gym).
Fuck, I am a fat slob and I do not deserve better.
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It is just a set back. It's happened before and it will probably happen again. If you let it get you down then it will only make things worse. You did not do so terribly and the weight will come down once you get back on track. I know how it is to feel so icky in your own skin because of having eaten too much. I know it sucks but you can do it!
AntwortenLöschenbe glad you did better than me this week. terrible, terrible feasting. I think you are actually doing really amazing even though you feel like a failure (come on please you are doing great!). I really do believe that, with all the stress I can't imagine not pigging out every now and then. Failing at one thing gives you strength to get through another - just make sure failures & successes balance, and you'll succeed in everything.
AntwortenLöschenbest of luck with all the stuff going on this week,
G