THE CHALLENGE!

I did not do so good today....
THE SCALE sticked to 135.6, which is of course not an accomplishment, but also no failure. That´s why the day did not start in a bad mood. But working today was extra hard. I felt homesick and lonely and, of course, ultra-fat and disgusting. I still need to wear special working clothes, not my old, prior-to-pregnancy clothes which were made for me one day. How awful is that? And I need to ask for those non-personalized clothes, and every time it is like:

"Yeah, I know, I am still too fat to fit in my own clothes, could you please give me some baggy ones made to fit every woman working here? Thank you, how very kind. No, I don´t think that I can wear my own clothes the next month, I will have to come back..."

I read some of my old posts yesterday, and I found out how I used to eat, or not-eat during these long shifts 2 years ago. Maybe I should try this again, but I am afraid I am not strong enough yet to stick to those habits.... This seemed to be easy, and I was determined and strong an so cool about it...Was that really me? I cannot remember being such a person. I am reading the blog and it could be the one from a woman I never met. Did I actually have a day with 350 cals? And why do I not remember being strong an successful in restriciting, but failing and feeling miserable is very clear in my mind.... Seems like a bad choice...

And I did running on a regular basis....
ME????
Man, I was so cool! No wonder I could buy these lovely skinny clothes and look acceptable in them....No wonder I do not fit in them right now.

Right now, so many people tell me that I will never look or feel like I did before the pregnancy... Yeah, thank you ladies....
The question is:

Is this the excuse of a whole generation of women, or is it just not possible to return because of metabolic changes and schedules?

So there it is:

My ultimate post-pregnancy-challenge for myself:

• From now on I will try everything in my power to return to my prior-to-pregnancy weight and looks. 

• I will carry on with that until I reach my prior-to-pregnancy weight.

• The challenge will stop if I should get pregnant again... (who knows?)

• The challenge will be regarded as failed if I should not get my prior-to-pregnancy weight within a year.

• If the challenge is a success, I will reward myself with a shopping trip to a nearby city (right now, the budget is ultra-low, and shopping would be a huge reward...)

And here it is, out in the web, forever or something close to that.
Anybody with me?

Tomorrow will not be a protein day, I tried this today and failed miserably, at home, this is not an option right now. I will try to have only liquids during the day and a low cal dinner with the hubby, meaning I have to go grocery shopping, and I really have to go without him, he always buys the really bad things.... and I am never able to say no.... I am much too weak, this has to end here.