I did as planned, no food during the day (but I have to admit that I suddenly found myself cleaning up the kitchen and "trying" things which are "old" and could be bad....how sick is that?), and some food and a lot of alcohol at night with the in-laws.
I saw a nice 136.2 this morning.
But it is dangerous. Usually, now would be the time for me to "celebrate" and have a nice little treat, and I end up gaining big time.
No, not today!
Plan for today:
Some out bran for breakfast ( I already skipped those pancake like things I had in the morning, there is an egg in those, too much cals) 100cals
the latte
no food during the day, if things get rough, some zero fat yoghurt, 75 cals
asparagus and some potatoes at dinner 350 cals.
This should do it.
I would be in a much better mood, if there were not the next meet and feed on thursday....yeah, again.... meaning I have to do the "starving-the-whole-day-to-appear-normal-at-dinner-thing" again. And the hubby will be at home, meaning I have to make excuses for breakfast and coffee-time (he always has cake, every day, and sometimes he wonders why he has no great abs...).
I have to admit, no food during the day and great dinner is very hard for me. Usually, if I know there will be a huge dinner, I feel like: Well, what the hell, the day will be ruined anyway, and I eat so much, that my belly hurts and THE SCALE jumps up because of all the food still in my system and all the water retention due to massive salt intake. 'And I start eating in the morning, same reason, what´s the point if the day will be bad anyway?
Yesterday, I made it, and I am kinda proud. Maybe I can stick to this, maybe I am able to stop this behaviour once and for all. This would make me lose easier and feel better. But it is also the perfect situation to sabotage myself.
I will tell you.
On another subject: Since I am a working Mom right now, I rush home after work, no shopping, no other delays, just to have and to hold my baby. Thats´s why I ended my gym membership (budget is low right now, the extra money is nice, too). I have a treadmill and a crosstrainer at home in my little room, got them cheap in a shop nearby. But I promised myself that I will not stress myself out because of doing sports in the evenings when junior is in bed. And I still think that this is sensible.
But everytime I look in the mirror, everytime I try some of those old trousers, who became skinny trousers all of a sudden, I wish my days had more hours, I wish I could split myself up, one MC to bring the baby to bed and hug and kiss him and wait for him to sleep, and the other MC to step on the machines and go for it.
There is always a price to pay.
This price is not higher than others, I just think of it as higher.
But let me tell you something:
Every day, every single day, I am in a good mood, laughing and dancing, with my baby in my arms, and I am so grateful to have him. And with the good mood, there is determination, and strength, and the will to make it.
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen