24-1

Today was actually a nice working day.
Right now, I think I can go to bed and get some hours of sleep getting paid all the time.
Usually, I am running around the whole night, so I am not emberassed by getting paid for sleeping.

Food wise, I screwed up a little, but not too much.
I had the soy milk and no breakfast and no oat bran (forgot it at home), lots of coffee with skimmed mild, but in the evening I had a sandwich, which is really bad.
I think I am not getting the 4DD, but still a remarkable deficit, and no weight gain besides the water retention which comes with the long hours.
 I am still at 134 today, and this plateau feels fine for me, since I had such a hard time getting to the 134 in the first place. I think next week I will lose a little again, but not much earlier.

Tomorrow, it will be in-between 24h shifts, and I will not prepare dinner for myself and the hubby, too lazy, and he will bring something on the way home, meaning fast food, empty cals and bad fat.
I will try to level it down with the fat blockers and carb blockers, but I am not sure they even do anything. I am only taking them afer "bad meals", not all the time, and I can not notice the slightest change. Maybe they are just money spent on the wrong thing, but it makes me feel better after eating a "normal" meal, and maybe that´s worth the money.
 Anyway, this will be the plan:

No breakfast
2 or 3 lattes (150)
oat bran with some milk (100)

dinner with the hubby with lots of blocker capsules
I will decide which food I want tomorrow evening, this can be something like a Marilyn Meal ( I used to have Marilyn Days, but right now I am in no condition to have a whole day), maybe some bread with cheese and a few french fries and some salad? I don´t know yet, maybe I will ask THE SCALE in the morning and decide afterwards. But no frustration-choice! No can do!

Sitting here, in my office, in the middle of the night, thinking about food and cals and dinner plans and fat hanging on my body, I feel like I did a long time ago, when my little boy was just a dream, and my hubby and me were all I thought about and felt for. I miss myself sometimes. I am losing my old self. but I have to admit, the new MC is much "lighter" in spirit, and unfortunately, much "havier" physically.