The fight is still going on, and no one is winning or losing.
Yesterday I stopped in the middle of a movement and suddenly thought:
How can I regard a fight between my soul and my body as a fight between ME and My Body? What is my body but a part of me? Who am I but my body? That´s all people can see when they look at me. Some people think that their body is a temple for their soul. What do I think? If my body dies, I will die too, I guess.
How can I actually win or lose this fight? And where does this lead to?
The weight did not go down, I am still over the edge tired and weak, and I did kinda good, not really, but kinda. I had a piece of bread for dinner, which I was not allowed to have. And so I know that tomorrow will not be a good day after stepping on THE SCALE. And it is my fault, and in the end, I think, I´ve already lost.
I had some fish tonight, and red pepper, corn and kohlrabi, and no food during the day, but there was this bread and lots of coffee and I think, I am way over my limit of 6 to 700. And I am still too tired for going to the gym or stepping on the Wii.
Bla.....
I feel like a loser, but not in the good way.
And I don´t know what to do additionally. I think I just have to keep restricting, restricting, and restricting, and in the end I will get thin, but I need some motivation on the run,
Maybe I should stop weighing myself on a daily basis to avoid frustration, but I need the control, or the loss of control, or the fake control.
I don´t know.
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Sometimes I think the scale is not good for me too but I have this overwhelming need to know my weight EVERY DAY!! Restricting, restrict, restrict....does it ever end is the question?
AntwortenLöschenI do the same.. I check every morning.. even if I say I wont, then it offsets my mood for the whole day.. poop! I have the same question, Where will this lead us? What and or who will win the fight?
AntwortenLöschenAND - what exactly is winning?
well, you know the math, if you are indeed taking in fewer cals than you burn, you will lose weight. but your body doesn't like to do that so it fights it. it really sounds like you are maintaining lo cals, so you just have to convince the stupid fat cells that you are very serious and won't feed them no matter how much they hang on.
AntwortenLöschenmaybe its not a fight between you and your body... but a fight with you and your body, vs fat cells... it is a strange concept in general though...
it really sounds like you are doing well even if the scale doesn't show it yet. don't give up!