Slow motion

Everything seems to be running in slow motion.

I am not feeling very well.
I am so freakin´ tired, I could sleep all the time. I got a terrible headache, and my arms and legs are feeling weak and thumb. My belly is growling all the time, and there are cramps for hours. Yesterday, there were loads of water in my tissue, especially the lower legs, and I could not get it out. I demanded more proteins for dinner, hoping for them to get the water back into the vessels.

There is something wrong.
My body is not following my rules.
This is like this game when you stare each other in the eyes and the person who blinks first loses. I am staring my body in the eyes, and I will not lose. It has to give in sometime, the weight has to drop one day. I wish I could say that I do not care how long it takes, that I will win anyway, but I am not so sure.
And the circle closes with the fact that I am too weak to go to the gym, meaning I get no exercise, meaning I cannot lose weight.
I am not doing anything wrong. I am not having too much broth (which brought me to gaining weight due to the high content of salt), I am not having treats, I am not eating like 4 persons anymore, I am not drinking alcohol, I try to move as much as possible.

I am hoping for my body to give in, to start losing, and to stop making me feel like crap. I will not give in. I will not.

The strangest part: I am not despondent, I am not angry anymore, I am just tired and hollow inside. I am weak, and slow. Slow motion. Everything.
Getting up from the chair, carrying on to work, slowly moving the head to look at the phone, it´s ringing. I don´t care. Call back later, or never, whatever.
slowly walking to the car, even slowly driving home, slowly parking, and a long time till I find the strenght to leave the car. It´s so hard to get out of the seat.