Scared

I am actually scared.

I am doing so good right now, weight-wise.

This morning, THE SCALE said 119.2

This is fabulous, amazing, breath-taking, at least for me.

But I know:

- This is due to the bug I got.

- This will go up any minute now, because the bug is gone.

- I will never again reach this.

- My body and my mind are yearning for food, for pleasure, for joy, after feeling sick and suffering for 5 days. And this other little voice inside me keeps whispering: You had such a hard time, have some fresh bread, some cake, cookies, a decent meal. You can do it….

- I will not kick my own lazy butt enough to start working out just now.

- I will gain.

- I will gain.

- I will gain.

This is how I did:

Morning latte 100

Cookie 40

Broth and coffee 40

Zucchini 70

Sweet corn 70

Some Cheese 120

I feel bad. I know I should not, but I do.

I will gain, and right now, although I know I am not, I feel so skinny….so fragile….

I will gain….