Structured life

I realized that I need a more structured life.
I am not good at letting things go.

Relationship-wise, I had some hard time thinking things through, being together with a man who wants to marry and gets scared to lose his freedom at the same time. And I had to work out a routine for myself for giving freedom to him. I am still not sure what freedom really means to men, and to be honest, I think freedom is just an idea, not a fact. And I am not really doing anything wrong, which relieved me, I am just seeing things differently. Right now, everything is working out quite nicely, and I finally freed myself from habits he does not like. In the end, I guess I just realized that he is the most stubborn human being I ever met, and if I just let him have his habit or his believe, smile and tell him: If you say so..., he thinks about it more intensely than after two hours of fight.
And I found out an ancient mistery:
The only true and wise thing a woman can say to her man is:
Just do it.
He has got a strange idea, and you think: Well, this is bullshit, it will never work out, tell him:
Well, do it.
If he wants to feel free and makes strange plans never involving you:
Do it.
If he does not want to join you for a meeting, a party, wants to stay home watch stupid TV:
Just do it.

I did that a couple of times, found some nice things to do on my own, met some friends, established some new friendships and habits, and suddenly I found a big heart made of things lying around in the kitchen in the morning, with my morning latte standing in the middle, and when I came back from a 24h shift, he painted the hall orange, like I told him I would really like it.
Whatever freedom means, it surely involves this little sentence:
Just do it.


Weight-wise, I am not really a thinspiration.
I managed to keep to a steady weight of 123, but this is not what I want to have. And I created this new habit of starving all day, having a low cal dinner, and losing grip late at night, eating chocolate, potatoe crisps, drinking wine and everything else I could find. I stick to my workout routine of running and occasional yoga, but this can only make me maintain.
And I structured that, too.
The worst days are still the 24h-shift-days, and I found a new way to restrict myself:
Soy milk.
I bought a litre of it and brought it to work, and had it over the day, a glass here, a zip there, and I never felt hungry or empty or depressed at all. In the end, I had the litre of it and some soup, giving me a total of 700 for the whole shift. This is really good for me. They ordered pizza, and I did not join them. There were left-overs from dinner, and I did not have them.
the whole box of soy milk has 470 cals, getting no soup, I would be totally within my range.
I really have to stick to this.

And another thing I am really proud of:
I can go to the meet-and-feeds and not eat till my stomach explodes. I never managed to do this, but in the last two weeks, I managed to get really small portions, run around, help in the kitchen, clean up the table and so on.

Well, in conclusion,
I had a 24h shift with 700 cals, THE SCALE said 123 yesterday, I did not have breakfast this morning (usually, after these long working hours, I am hungry like a wolf and having a huge breakfast at home), and the soy milk helped me having some NBMs. there will be no cake today, I already bought some for the BF and none for myself, and there will be a low cal dinner with kohlrabi, carrots and some low fat cheese. Tomorrow, there absolutely has to be a weight loss, there has to be the 122.X, and the rest of the week will be easy, another 24h shift with soy milk, and hopefully some long runs in the evenings.

The goal:
The wedding dress will be ready in July.
The wedding-dress-weight (WDW) was 120.
I want to lose as much as possible prior to the final dress check in July and maintain afterwards to look amazing in this beautiful dress.
So back to the WDW I go.