Skinny Chick

I had a nice day yesterday, up to a certain point.

THE SCALE loved me for once, I had a nice and easy 132.4, and I suddenly felt so skinny and light and whatever.
I had planned a girls night out with an old friend of mine, and I knew that we would have dinner together, and I was like: Well, whatever, right now, I am on such a good way, it will be fine.

The evening was nice, warm weather, dinner outside, hubby taking care of the baby, good food and no bad feelings while I was eating, that was completely new to me.
So nice.

And then she dropped it:
"You have changed for the better since you are a mom."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you are not so skinny anymore, you always looked like a skinny chick. You are much better now."

...

...

I smiled.
I thought: Well, I already know that I am fat, so what´s the surprise anyway.
But I woke up with this sentence in my head.
And THE SCALE showed me a 135,4.

I am sure you can imagine how I am feeling today.
The most important fact in this story is: She knows about my food issues. She is the only person in the world who knows about it. Why did she do this to me? She is one of my best friends, and she does not like me enough to be polite and not to trigger me?
What does she want from me, see me fading away and telling everybody: I know what her problem is, but I tried everything, I cannot help her???

So here I am, old and fat and a bad mother, and no one likes me enough not to hurt me.
I wish I would be a better person, more intersting, more caring, with more things to love, and with less fat hanging on my bones. Wrinkles are bad enough.

I will show her.
I will show everybody.
Her, my mother in law, my mother, my husband, my colleagues.
Right now, I hate them all.